President Bush is rehearsing his speech for the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games. He begins his remarks with "Oh,Oh,Oh,Oh,Oh"
Immediately his speech writer rushes over to the lectern and whispers in the President's ear: "Mr President, those are the Olympic rings. Your speech is underneath."

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A married couple are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the wife gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.

She says, "Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?"

Her husband replies, "Put it between your legs to keep it warm."

She asks, "What about the smell?"

He says, "Hold its nose."

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A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says:
"Can I smell your pussy?"
The woman looks at him in disgust and says:
"Certainly not!"
"Hmmm," he replies. "It must be your feet, then."

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A kid goes up to his dad and says “What’s a vagina look like?”

His father says, “Son, before sex, a vagina looks like a rose, with pink velvety petals, and the aroma of perfume.”

The kid says, “What about after sex?”

His father says, “Have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise?”

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David Beckham is in training with Ryan Giggs. They are both joking and messing about when a furious Alex Ferguson comes up to them to give them a piece of his mind.

"Lads, after todays performance you two can stay behind for extra training."

Beckham and Giggs are gutted and then wait for the end of the session. Ferguson and the boys go home and it's just the two of them.

"Let's just go home," says Giggsy, "who will know?"

So they both go home to their respective houses. Beckham goes upstairs to hear passionate moaning and screaming coming from the bedroom. Becks goes to investigate and puts his head round the door to see Fergie pumping away at Victoria and is horrified.

The next day in training Beckham and Giggs are fucking around when Fergie tells them both to stay behind again.

Giggs turns to Beckham and says, "Let's just go home early again."

"Fuck you," replies Beckham, "I nearly got caught yesterday."

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George Bush met The Queen, and he turns round and says, "As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom."

To which the Queen replies, "I'm sorry Mr. Bush, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King."

George Bush thought a while and then said, "How about a Principality then?"

To which the Queen replied, "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr. Bush."

Bush thought long and hard and came up with, "How about an Empire then?"

The Queen, getting a little teed off by now, replied, "Sorry again, Mr. Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor."

Before George Bush could utter another word, the Queen said, "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country."

(lmao)

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George Bush is being giving his daily briefing, he is told that yesterday 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally he looks up with a devastaded expression on his face and he asks, "How many is a brazillion?'


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George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk, he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and George asked, "What is your name?"
"My name is Bob", says the boy.
"And what is your question, Bob?"
"I have 3 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN? Second, why are you president when al gore got more votes? Third, what happened to Osama bin laden?"
Just then, the bell rings for recess. George bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess. When they resume George says, "Ok where were we? Oh, that's right. Question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy raises his hand. George points him out and asked him "what is your name?"
"My name is Steve" says the boy.
"And what is your question Steve?"
"I have 5 questions. First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of UN? Second, why are you president when Al Gore got more votes? Third, what happened to Osama bin laden? Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early? Fifth, where is Bob?"

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Laura Bush: "We have the weekend free darling, what would you like to do?"

George Bush: "I'm not sure. Let's think..."

Laura Bush: "No, let's do something that you can do too."